You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
