So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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