if you like me you must not know who I am
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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