Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
