someone threw a dead crab at me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
