Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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