I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
