standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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