Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
