Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
