there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
