omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
