Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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