Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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