Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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