she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
