ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
