He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
