what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
