Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
