i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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