I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
