names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
