how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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