Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
