my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
