For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
