It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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