I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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