Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
