Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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