Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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