OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
