You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
