Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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