why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
