she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
