I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
