I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
