Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
