Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
