escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
