Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
