We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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