conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
