I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
