sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
