he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you bring me the toilet please
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
