Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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