ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
