Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Houston, we have a blender
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How external is "for external use only"?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
