he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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