her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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