booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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