I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
