Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
