no, he came in my armpit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
