if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I bet he comes in French.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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