My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
