grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
