Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
