that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I could fuck to npr.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
