i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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