My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
