We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
