Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
