I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
