You smell like a Billy Joel song
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
