Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
