So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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