just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
