he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
