Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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