I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
